looking at myspace

looking at the comments that high school peers have made on one anothers' sites

and i think about writing a couple of them, to tell them that:

1) i've always found her interesting and that i think that we would be able to have a good conversation, but "oh, did you know that i had a crush on you in high school?" but not actually saying that because it has nothing to do with who i am, or she is, now...however, if i died tomorrow, there's a part of me that wants to tell her that she was stunningly beautiful and i couldn't stop my eyes from wandering to her in biology class - before she became anorexic...and ever since, nothing...except that i wanted to help her SO BAD, when noone else was saying anything...and i, as well, never ended up saying anything...so what do i say now?...

2) i thought she was a good person in high school, but i felt incredibly judged by her...and that if she hadn't have been in the "in" crowd, i would have wanted to be her friend...and i can't shake the feeling, when i'm around her, that i'm the freak outsider band geek...and i want to stop feeling that way because I'M doing that, not her...and i want to apologize if i'm rude or evasive to or around her, due to this feeling..

and so, i want to write these things to them...and i have enough alcohol in my system that i might actually send them...but myspace won't even let me sign in...which leads me to believe that something is cosmically stopping this from ocurring...at least tonight...