...all of you that live in the region that i do are currently well aware of the swelling mosquito population...well, here i am to help you fend off itching yourself into insanity - chemical-free!...that's right...i have discovered the cure to the endless amount of little bumps that we procure during the summer months, and i am now going to share it with the world!!!...

LET THEM BITE...bite bite bite (ok, they don't really 'bite' so much as stick you with their built-in needle)...watch them suck your blood, it's kindof cool, and you can pretend that they are vampires that Buffy trapped in horrible ugly little bodies...the little tingle is really easy to get used to, and once you've done so, you no longer have to worry about doing that jumpy wavy twirly dance to keep them away...(well, it is a cool dance, but then you can really work on your moves instead of doing it in an attempt to avoid anything)...

LET THEM SUCK...see, what happens is that the little bugger is injecting you with a blood-thinner which is poisonous to humans...if you swat the creature in the middle of its snack (once again, they aren't really eating), you keep the poison in your body, thereby officially entering itchy-bump-land...

DON'T SCRATCH...if you have not followed the above recommendations, and do end up with bumps (once in awhile, even if you don't slap, they'll end in the middle of their job, and you'll still have a bump), you'll only spread out the poison more by scratching...my dear pixi-dust is my prime example of what not to do...slapping incessantly, increasing anger, and then scratching the hell out of the bumps, making them the size of saucers, and making life just plain uncomfortable...glad that pd is around to be a good counter-model for my research...

HOW DO I KNOW THIS?...i am going on my third summer using this tactic, and it works like a charm...the only places i have bumps are around my ankles where my shoes rub...what's more, is that i think the mosquitos are masochistic enough to go to the people that kill them - meaning, i think that less mosquitos attempt to bite me now...

you all must realize that by giving you this information, my life is now in extreme danger...by admitting my behaviour, i am revealing that i am a source for growing mosquito populations...single-handedly, i may be responsible for millions of the suckers being born...i am now putting my life on the line to make your summers more bearable...

LIVE AND LET LIVE
(please don't kill me)